I had high hopes for the New Year; 2023 is the year of the Rabbit, after all. In the close of 2022, I came up with another project idea and budgeted time/ideas accordingly. I naively thought I would hit the ground running but had yet to clean/organize my kitchen or even taken a sample video. But I was determined. And manic.

The crash in mood brought long depressive weeks of too much and still too little sleep. I tinkered with my medication and found a combination that has led me to stability (at least for the time being). I spoke with my psychiatrist today and he agreed that my changes and outcome only confirmed a bipolar diagnoses. Unfortunately, my previous med prescriber had me on a medication that is normally great for depression but not for people with depression because of bipolar disorder. Needless to say, I feel a lot better. Which is awesome because my final semester of college starts next week and I want to hit the ground running!

Incidences like the one described used to cause panic, anxiety, and feelings of failure that would deter me from engaging in activities or hobbies. When I was younger, if I failed to start “on time” or meet a previous expectation of work/outcome, I would fall the fuck apart. Today, however, I remind myself failure is part of the growth process. I am still learning and trying. I believe in myself more these days than I have most of my life. These are all good things.

Right now, I am experimenting with creating videos and getting a vibe to build a sustainable brand. Which…that phrase kind of makes me want to roll my eyes but, yeah, my brand. I have to be okay with changing the original plan/process and adapt to my reality. I have been having a ton of fun trying my equipment and learning how to create videos.

When I was looking at colleges over four years ago, I would set different universities as my homepage. That way, I would be faced with potential whenever I used my desktop. This was particularly helpful after I started at CSM and realized a four year degree was within the realm of possibility. Once I was determined to get into Frostburg, I had the university page set as my Chrome homepage. Every time I logged on to do homework or just surf Google, I was confronted with Frostburg. After I was accepted, I set my desktop background to a beautiful image of main street Frostburg and I haven’t changed it since.

The other day, I came up with the idea of AnotherMiddleChild Production House. I have been working on My Bipolar Kitchen! as a project since. As a production company, I can work on multiple projects at a time! Incomplete Grief is another project idea and I have creative fiction endeavors too.

Last night, I used a logo I made the other day to create a background for my phone.

Dreams and goals need constant attention/reminding if you want them to bloom and grow.